Shots from The Battery

Holy City Heathens on a Mission from Nod.
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Latest cryptid hoax part of a larger MSM fad?

August 15, 2008 at 11:07 am By: Nate Category: Media asshats, Pot-shots from the Peanut Battery, Skeptic, Snarky snipery

There have been quite a few cases of cryptid-scammery in the past year or so, and with the announcement of a press conference this afternoon, a couple of of “Bigfoot trackers” from northern Georgia are going to trot out in front of the cameras to prove they have the body of sasquatch in a deep-chest freezer.

Ah, summertime… The season when tabloids and MSM trade places for a few months.
It’s a sad testament that the National Enquirer broke the biggest political scandal of the summer while the MSM are sending hundreds of reporters to things like the Bigfoot press conference. Is this the Twilight Zone?

Documented discovery, sighting, or capture of crypto-zoological or mythical animals are sure to draw ratings, especially during the slow summer months for news media outlets, but not even one of the many groundbreaking “discoveries” have turned out to be conclusively verifiable.

So in the spirit of healthy skepticism, we though we’d recount some of the recent supposed cryptids that have left many gullible people disappointed:

Remember that rotting shark that creatio-gandist Kent Hovind claimed was a plesiosaur a few years ago?
Plesiosaur
FAIL.

Or the infamous Lizard Man who reportedly chewed on a car bumper here in SC earlier this year? DNA testing revealed that the scaly-monster was actually a dog. Lizard Man
FAIL.

A few weeks ago, that funky-looking ‘hell-demon’ turned decomposed raccoon in Montuak captivated the MSM for several days before the hoax ran its course. Montuak
FAIL.

What about the Chupacabra that mysteriously became a rotten coyote last year in Texas?
Montuak
FAIL.

Or that officer in Texas who claimed he captured the elusive chupacabra running from his cruiser on his dashboard camera last week? That one turned out to be a LIVE coyote.
Chupacabra Cop Cam
DOUBLE FAIL.

And now, CNN, FOX, and a pile of ratings-starved news organizations are telling us that a pair of cops from North Georgia have the body of a 7′ 7″ Bigfoot in a freezer.

Let’s just say we’re more than a bit skeptical.

Anyhow, if any of you believe that these people really have a dead bigfoot in their freezer, we’ve got a couple of unicorns and a leprechaun tied up in our storage shed that we’ll sell you.

  • 08/19/08 UPDATE: It was a hoax. The “body” was a just a rubber costume in a freezer, as we suspected.

    Within the next hour of thaw, a break appeared up near the feet area. … I observed the foot which looked unnatural, reached in and confirmed it was a rubber foot.”

    The Biscardi team immediately went into crisis mode. Biscardi called Whitton and Dyer at their California hotel. They admitted it was a hoax and agreed to sign a promissory note at a meeting set for 8 a.m. Pacific time at the hotel.

    But when Biscardi got there, he “found that they had left.”

    “At this time action is being instigated against the perpetrators of this fraud…”

    This revelation just makes this quote from Biscardi last week rather amusing:
    “I want to get to the bottom of it,” Biscardi said. “What I seen, what I touched, what I felt, and what I prodded was not a mask that was sewn on a bear hide, OK?”

    So, if Tom Biscardi isn’t a liar and actually saw and touched the body, the fact that he was fooled by a frozen Halloween costume should permanently discredit him and searchingforbigfoot.com.

    An Achilles Heel of the Returning Student: The Fast-Food Diet

    August 14, 2008 at 5:34 pm By: Nate and Di Category: Random blasts from The Battery

    When Di and I decided to return to college last year, it’d been awhile since either of us last stepped foot in a classroom. When we got married at age 19, the realities of rent, bills, and jobs quickly pulled our attentions from scholastic affairs to those of survival. Quite a few years had passed since our last semester at USC in the spring of 1999, and nearly a decade of aimless gallivanting and misguided adventure separated us from the promising academic futures we once had.

    Or so we thought.

    Over the past 6-8 months, I’ve discovered that the stability and established routine of our married lifestyle is extremely conducive to good study habits, focus, and overall academic success. Gone are the times of weeknight partying until dusk and late-night end-of-semester cram sessions; replaced by quiet, yet leisurely nights of reading textbooks, researching projects, doing homework, studying, or composing papers. Also gone are the times of fretting about grades; replaced by expectations of high scores. We’ve learned that even with full-time jobs, it is possible to attend college full-time and excel academically. Our bosses have been more than gracious with time off and have allowed us to adjust the office hours to accommodate our class schedules, so we are incredibly grateful for the latitude they’ve allowed us.

    On the other hand, being an older student is not all positive. I’ve found that at age 28, our bodies simply cannot handle the nonstop fast-food and frozen-dinner diets the way they once did. A decade ago, we could thoughtlessly fuel ourselves on nothing but ramen, pizza, french fries, and snack food. These days, a week of that crap can cause more problems than I’m willing to detail — or you’re willing to read — here. Fast-food and prepared or frozen dinners are just so quick and easy, and it’s hard to avoid them if you’re constantly on the go or too preoccupied to cook a decent meal. Besides the incredibly poor nutrition from such feasts, those on-the-go meals often leave us feeling groggy or sometimes even more hungry than before. I gained my freshman 15 back when Clinton was still in office, but could easily claim another sophomore 15 over the past few months. Maybe 20.

    That must stop.

    So this time, we plan to spend the entire week before school starts cooking, canning and freezing enough quickly-preparable meals to last the whole semester. Home-made frozen dinners and canned veggies. Besides saving a ton of money, we’ll get to eat decent food specifically prepared by and for us. No preservatives, low sodium, and no funky additives, fats, or oils. 12 quarts each of yellow squash, green beans, and black-eye peas from the farmers market. Slow-cooked roast beef, baked chicken, meat loaf, and Salisbury steak. We even plan to make a bunch of pre-plated meals. Freezer to the microwave and ready to eat in 5 or 6 minutes - faster than a trip through the drive-thru at McDonald’s and not saturated with crap!

    Anyhow, we’re getting together a monstrous grocery list, and I’ll try to remember to update everyone on the success or failure of our home-cooked semester experiment. So stay tuned, we’ll have another weigh-in in December.

    Powertools in the hands of fools never ends well.

    July 26, 2008 at 1:09 pm By: Nate and Di Category: Random blasts from The Battery

    I just had one of my finest moments of personal stupidity, so I thought I’d share — if only as a warning to the rest of our friends who share my household maintenance deficiencies.

    About six months ago, Di asked me to install a deadbolt on the front door, and I finally got around to the job yesterday. I’ll admit I procrastinated, mainly because I knew I’d screw something up in the process of the installation. Change the lock??? fine… but if you want the deadbolt, it could get messy. She already knows that power tools and Nate have never gotten along well.

    I imagined almost every scenario of DIY dumbfuckery possible, most ending in something like:
    “No, honey, those extra holes and gaping openings around the lock were in the illustrations on the instructions” or, “How much is that insurance deductible again?”

    Anyhow, I went to Lowe’s yesterday afternoon and picked out a properly-suited lock and deadbolt and an installation kit for the drill. I was actually feeling pretty confident by the time I got home. After about 10 minutes of close scrutiny of the instructions, I plugged in the drill with the 2 1/4″ hole saw bit and used the plastic jig that came with the drill kit to line up the hole. Easy-peasy. I pressed the trigger on the drill, and pressed it against the door.

    As the drill passed through the wood, it struggled a bit, and I noticed the lamp beside me dimming and brightening. I finished drilling the large hole in the door and quickly moved on to the smaller hole in the door frame for the bolt. After about twenty minutes, I realized that I had completed the dreaded project without losing any fingers or permanently defacing the door.

    Sadly, if that was the end of the story, I wouldn’t be sharing it.

    5 minutes later, I discovered that I had basically BRICKED a perfectly functional PC.

    As I was cleaning up, I noticed the fairly-new media center PC in our entertainment system was emitting an unusually audible fan noise, and It sounded like all of them were going full-blast. At first I thought that perhaps it had restarted or the vibration had awakened it, but it just kept whirring away. I turned on the TV, and sure enough, the screen was displaying the dreaded “No Video Source” message. SHIT.

    Despite being on a surge protector, the power flux I created with the straining drill must have fried the motherboard or processor. I’d stupidly created a series of brown-outs and didn’t even consider the fact that the entertainment center was on the same circuit!

    The unit turns on, the power lights glow and the fans start spinning madly, but that is all we get.
    No display, no POST bios beeps… nothing. I killed a $1000 computer to install a $50 lock.

    And that, folks, is why we unplug expensive electronics when using power tools.

    The door, however, now locks gloriously.

    Glenn Beck called last night…

    July 20, 2008 at 7:43 am By: Nate Category: Friends of NaD, Media asshats, Phunny Pranks, Religious nutz, teevee time

    I apologize for the two-week blackout, folks. I’ve been insanely busy. Work, school, etc. simultaneously ganged up on me for a bit. Besides being peak season at the office, I’ve written over 50 pages of various papers, projects, and essays in the past few weeks. So much for Summer classes being easier — it’s just less time to complete everything. I’ll probably think twice about the full-time Summer session next year. The good news is that save studying for 2 remaining tests and finals, I’ve finished the bulk of my classwork for the semester.

    Anyhow, we were on our way out the door to the Cinebarre last night(a whole other post) when the phone rang.

    It was our friend Charlie from Columbia on his cell.

    Charlie said he was with another friend, Tim, and that someone wanted to say hello.

    The phone shuffled for a second or two, and another voice came on.

    “Hi Nate. This is Glenn Beck. You know you’re missing a wonderful dinner here in Columbia.”
    Read the rest of this entry →

    South Carolina is “So Gay”

    July 11, 2008 at 4:14 pm By: Di Category: Good 'ol boyz, Random blasts from The Battery, SC Gubment

    As you may have noticed, we’ve been a little too busy with the holiday & midterm tests to keep pace with our regular updates, but this little gem from my email box demanded a posting.

    You can read more about the outing of our state and the “so gay” tourism campaign here, here, or here.

    Stimulus checks stimulate porn subscriptions

    July 02, 2008 at 7:04 pm By: Nate and Di Category: Mis-use of funds, Random blasts from The Battery, Snarky snipery

    We somehow managed to spend our entire stimulus rebate without spending a dime on pornography… which is a damn shame. What were we thinking??? Our silly oversight was a total waste of our governmental freesources.

    Honestly, though, we were probably too busy making our own porn with the uber-fun sex swing that GW bought for us in May.

    Do not fret, though. The industry is doing well even without our patronage, looks like the rest of you perverts were making up for our porno purchasing slackitude:

    An independent market-research firm, AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), has discovered that many websites focused on adult or erotic material have experienced an upswing in sales in the recent weeks since checks have appeared in millions of Americans’ mailboxes across the country.

    To apologize for our transgression, we’re budgeting in at least 10% exclusively for porn the next time we get all economically stimulated by Uncle Sam.

    What’s in our wallet

    June 28, 2008 at 9:30 am By: Nate Category: Religious nutz, Worship His Sauciness

    Praise Pasta! We can prostelitize Pastafarian prophecy with our plastic now. While we wish his blessed interest rate was a little less Almighty, Our Saucy Lord will soon make His noodly presence known to all who swipe him:

    NOODLY APPENDAGE MASTERCARD
    Sample of our Cap-One card-lab Mastercard.

    R-Amen.

    Summer midterms ova.

    June 28, 2008 at 8:30 am By: Nate and Di Category: Local-ized lunacy, On the road, Random blasts from The Battery

    Breathe!

    Summer semester is chugging right along, and as of yesterday, we’re half-way there. Our healthy competition with the GPA’s will have to continue after the holiday — we’re still rocking a pair of 4.0’s with nary a fuxup between us yet.

    We’ve a short break this week, and we’re headed away from the annual glut of tourists clogging the roads down here. Last Summer, the 4th of July weekend was nothing but gridlock. Even getting over to the damn grocery store 3 blocks away was a nightmare… not very holiday-ish, if you ask us. So, we’re gonna celebrate our freedom someplace where we can actually move freely. :)

    When we return next week, it’s back to the grind-stone for another 40 days or so, and then the fall semester begins. I have a feeling this next year is going to fly by.

    Anyhow, we’ll have the laptops and wireless access, so we’ll try to throw up some posts from our mini-vacation.

    My Grandfather honored in Field & Stream Magazine this month.

    June 26, 2008 at 5:21 pm By: Nate Category: Random blasts from The Battery

    Little more than a year after his death, one of my grandfather’s famous custom knives has been recognized by Field and Stream as one of the best 20 knives ever made:

    George Herron Model 6
    # 14. George Herron Model 6 Drop Point
    George Herron began in the early 1960s as a Randall imitator, changed over to Loveless-style knives, and eventually developed a style of his own - which is imitated by everyone. What Herron brought to the game besides practicality was immaculate workmanship and a matchless eye for lines. The Model 6 is Herron’s version of the drop-point hunter. You can see the Loveless influence, but the Model 6 is slimmer and far more graceful. While the quality of Loveless’s work has varied, there’s never been a Herron knife that wasn’t perfect.

    My model 6 and leather sheath are serial-numbered 1998, and were a surprise graduation gift. While the 6 is probably his most famous style, I’m partial to the “Little Dude” model, mainly because he named it after me shortly after my birth in 1980. It’s true that he was a perfectionist, too. Even after a 6-pack of Coors, his hands were more steady than mine will ever be. I thought he was a human machine as a boy.

    The man did not like dogs, though… especially strays. Those who followed the podcast may remember the story of Di’s horrific first Thanksgiving at his house.

    Gramp’s been on several F&S covers since the 70’s, and his knives are selling on eBay for thousands apiece these days. As a teen, he once told me that the collectors had more money than sense, and after seeing the prices skyrocket in recent years, I think he was probably right.

    Anyhow, I’m sure he would’ve snorted loudly and chuckled at this article.

    Gramp Herron

    President opens mouth, inserts foot yet again.

    June 26, 2008 at 9:58 am By: Nate and Di Category: Random blasts from The Battery

    But on the bright side:

    At least we’re rapidly nearing the end of this nightmare.

    Droves of Darwin’s Descendants to Descend on Charleston.

    June 26, 2008 at 7:57 am By: Nate and Di Category: Intellajunt Desine, Local-ized lunacy, Projectiles from the Petri Dish

    Damn. That’s a lot of D’s — and who knew Darwin even had relatives here in SC?

    The Post and Courier is reporting that Charles Darwin’s kin are soon to be amongst us. The family is apparently holding a big reunion here in Charleston this weekend, and one of CD’s distant relatives (also named Charles) actually lives in Gaffney. Our Chuck D, who used to run a roller rink and restaurant here in town, told Brian Hicks that evolution probably won’t be discussed much when all of the relatives get together. SC CD also claims he’s a creationist and evolutionist. That’s interesting that he’s resolved the two, we think more Christians should. It’s similar to biologist Ken Miller’s perspective, and certainly less obtuse than the anti-science biblical literalism faction.

    Either way, we’d love to be flies on the wall when they gather en masse.

    F-U Drillmongers! Hydrogen-powered Car Runs On H20.

    June 24, 2008 at 8:04 am By: Nate and Di Category: Bright Ideas, Election '08, Idiot-In-Chief, On the road

    At a time when the Bush administration and all of their buddies are running around saber-rattling about dropping new oil wells, this little car could be the coolest thing we’ve ever seen. It can maintain a speed of 50 mph for 1 hour on just 1 liter of WATER! The inventors claim it can also be fueled with tea, rain, or saltwater:

    We realize the technology is a few years from being seen on the street, but it’s a major step in the right direction. It’s also sad that more innovation like this isn’t being fostered and unveiled here in the US. Instead, the Bush administration and energy lobbyists are pushing to allow more domestic drilling. We heard a guest on Dan Abram’s show appropriately compare that to “searching through our couches for loose change because the mortgage is 6 moths past-due.” Instead of embracing new technology or actual ways to reduce fossil fuel consumption, they are pushing for more of the same — more oil, more prospecting opportunities for their allies, more no-bid contracts to Exxon and Shell to run oil operations in Iraq — it should be criminal. We suppose it’s also to be expected when the energy industry is allowed to write our Nation’s energy policy.

    And last week, McCain flip-flopped on offshore drilling. He obviously wants more of the same, too… thankfully, the $4/gal gas we’ve seen under the Republican energy policy is going to kill his already dismal chances of winning the election this fall.

    When history is written, we’re increasingly hopeful that BushCheneyCo’s collusion with big oil is gonna make teapot dome look like a big ol’ tea party.

    But by then, we’ll probably be using our tea in the water-car!

    George Carlin Dead at 71.

    June 23, 2008 at 7:01 am By: Nate and Di Category: Random blasts from The Battery

    Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits…

    Heart Failure has claimed the second NaD hero in as many weeks.

    Truth In Advertising On This Local License Plate

    June 21, 2008 at 8:44 pm By: Nate and Di Category: Local-ized lunacy, On the road, Religious nutz, Snarky snipery

    1 jerk in a SUV + 1 SC “In God We Trust” license plate(complete with obligatory Jesus-fish decal) + the probability of appropriate letter combinations = the hardest laugh we’ve had in weeks!!!

    The dude in this SUV closely cut us off near an intersection on our way to Baskin Robbins and when we stopped at the light he was oogling us angrily as if we were the offending party. Then Di noticed his plate!! I’m pretty sure he didn’t know what to think when we started cackling like loons and snapping pictures of his holy-rollin’ gas guzzler. When the light changed, he squealed off to torment other motorists and we went on to get our ice cream with ear-to-ear smiles on each of our faces.

    “I Believe” this was inevitable

    June 20, 2008 at 2:25 pm By: Nate Category: Born again bamboozelery, On the road, SC Gubment

    As expected, the first lawsuit about those silly “I Believe” tags has been filed.

    I really wish we could sue the fundegelical state lawmakers who are forcing us taxpayers to bear the burden of the litigation they knew they were inviting. It’s a waste of $$ that the state taxpayers cannot afford.

    The Lt. Gov. is already beating his chest, so we think he should be listed first in our lawsuit:

    For those who say this violates the Constitution by giving preference to Christianity, I think this lawsuit clearly discriminates against persons of faith,” Bauer said in a statement Thursday. “I expect the state Attorney General to vigorously defend this and it is time that people stand up for their beliefs. Enough is enough.”

    He did f*$king what?

    June 20, 2008 at 11:41 am By: Di Category: Intellajunt Desine, Religious nutz

    A creationist science teacher in Ohio, John Freshwater, has been burning crosses into the arms of his students.

    A Mount Vernon teacher undermined science instruction in the public school district by discrediting evolution in his classroom and focusing on creationism and intelligent design, a probe has found.

    Eighth-graders who were taught by John Freshwater frequently had to be re-taught in high school what they were supposed to have learned in Freshwater’s class, according to outside investigators hired by the district.

    For 11 years, other teachers in the school district and people in the community complained about Freshwater preaching his Christian beliefs in class and slamming scientific theories, a school administrator told investigators.

    The report confirms that Freshwater burned crosses onto students’ arms, using an electrostatic device, in December. Freshwater told investigators the marks were Xs, not crosses. But all of the students interviewed in the investigation reported being branded with crosses. The investigation report includes a photo of one student’s arm with a long vertical line and a short horizontal line running through it.

    This went on for 11 years, and nobody bothered to do more than slap his wrists?! Normally I would ask how much “learning time” was taken up by his little electrostatic student artwork projects, but in this case I think any amount of time this guy spent off task was to the benefit of his students.

    One of Freshwater’s friends* defended his actions:

    “With the exception of the cross-burning episode … I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district,’’ he said.

    So this guy thinks that as long as his pal isn’t defacing the students, that ignoring edicts to stop teaching lies in his classroom is perfectly ok. Well isn’t that nice of him to make that decision for the rest of the taxpayers in his area.

    The fact that no corrective action was taken by the school board before lawyers got involved is disturbing. The man was teaching religion in his science class, he had the ten commandments posted in his classroom window, he kept his bible on his desk, and he physically harmed the kids in his classroom. This should have been an open and shut case, and somehow it took 11 years for them to figure out that something needed to be done about this wackaloon?! And Nate and I thought our school board was bad…

    For a detailed report on how far this guy went, check out this independent investigation.

    *An earlier version of this post incorrectly attributed this quote to a school board member.

    ***UPDATE***

    There’s still some sanity left in the country. They’re going to fire him.
    (Shot at Rick at Shrimp and Grits for the tip)

    Local documentary well-received in our livingroom.

    June 14, 2008 at 1:17 pm By: Nate Category: Blashphemous Non-believers, Local-ized lunacy, Movie Time, Random blasts from The Battery

    The next time we complain about the traffic here in Mount Pleasant, we will remember that the extra 5 minute wait to get where we’re going is nothing compared to effect that same traffic to which we’re contributing has upon those whose livelihood and culture are bisected by our highways.

    We were in Aiken during the screening at Spoleto a couple of weeks ago, but our DVR snagged the premiere of this highly-anticipated local documentary Thursday evening. During a break from the Russert eulogies all over the news, we watched it last night.

    “Bin Yah: There’s No Place Like Home” focuses on the effects of the recent explosive commercial and residential expansion in Mount Pleasant on the Gullah-Geechee people that have owned large portions of land here for more than 140 years.

    Great documentaries do not only tell a story, they tell a story that needs to be told. In that respect, it’s probably one of the best indie docs we’ve ever seen.

    What do you do when countless droves of ‘foreigners’ descend upon the land your people have owned and lived on for generations? “Bin Yah”(translated “Been Here”) does it’s best to explore the answers to this and other questions with which these people have been faced as we “Come Yahs” gobble up their very identity. The 56 minute film carefully details the historical distribution of local land after the Civil War, the freedmen who purchased the tracks that eventually became many of the black communities in the area, and the subsequent development of encroaching property that threatens to destroy their culture.

    We’ve all seen the sweetgrass basket-maker’s shacks that dot Hwy 17 from the 4 Mile community near the massive Towne Center mall to the 7 mile community near Park West. At some point, most of us have even stopped to browse the living art galleries and purchase some of these coveted pieces of history. We did not, however, fully understand their story or the implications of our mere presence.

    Di and I have noticed a marked decline in the number of the basket shacks in recent years, and many others sit abandoned and deteriorating today. The movie certainly goes a long way in explaining the reasons for this. Besides being taxed out of the land by the exponential increase in property values caused by development, the roadway expansion and widening on 17 has made it impossible for them to even cross the street to get to the places where they earned a living for decades. Add to those things the loss of traditional sweetgrass harvesting sites in the local creeks and marshes to gated communities, and you have a systemic devastation of an entire culture. The director included some telling aerial views of the Weeds-esque “little boxes” of the Park West and Dunes West communities that say a lot more than any of the interviews ever will.

    In fact, the movie more or less made us want to move away from Mt P. even though we live on property that’s been developed for half a century.

    We meet some of these people from time to time in our business, and they are some of the most honest, caring, genuine people you will ever meet. Unfortunately, their days are increasingly numbered, and they’re being driven to North Charleston or areas further away from the coast.

    Realistically, the most this film may do is document this sad, unnecessary, greed-driven upheaval. As the Bin Yah website states, “Bin Yah will attempt to preserve - at least on film - the memories of the special places that may be lost forever as the struggle between the real “bin yahs” and the “come yahs” escalates.”

    So whether you’re local to Mt. Pleasant or simply like a good documentary, we highly recommend purchasing the DVD here.

    If things continue the way they have, our only memories of these people may be documentaries like this and the slew of historical markers already posted on that swollen stretch of Hwy. 17.

    R.I.P. Tim Russert

    June 13, 2008 at 4:29 pm By: Nate Category: And now for soemthing completely serious..., teevee time

    Wow.

    Di’s tearing up and I’m not feeling much better after reading the front page of MSNBC.

    One of our favorite news personalities died suddenly this afternoon. Tim Russert was among the few TV newsmen we trust and respect, and the void he leaves is going to be hard to fill.

    It’s just sinking in, but I really am going to miss seeing him on Sunday mornings and his commentary on NBC and MSNBC. He was actually taping voice-overs for Meet the Press when he collapsed.

    The race and election night in November are going to be missing an important fixture now.

    Ok. We’re closing the office and going home to watch the reactions…

    Damn you, Steve Jobs!

    June 10, 2008 at 7:38 am By: Nate Category: Apple, Random blasts from The Battery, Technology

    Steve Jobs introduces 3G iPhone

    Did you purposely wait until 45 days after we signed a 2 year contract with Verizon on both of our phones to announce a faster, cooler, CHEAPER iPhone?

    2 weeks earlier and I could have eeked our way out of them. Timing, Sir, is everything. Why all the vague rumory? You could have at least hinted you were considering HALVING the price.

    Hell… we even considered canceling the new Verizon phones anyway when we heard the news yesterday… but the cost of early termination + the $199.00 for the new iPhizzles would cost us more than when you were charging inflated prices for the 1st models last year.

    On the bright side, considering the precipitous price droppages and hardware improvements over the past year, by the time our new contract is up the iPhone will surely be free and powerful enough to drive the car.

    Beating the heat: we’re starting a nudist colony.

    June 09, 2008 at 5:57 pm By: Nate Category: Local-ized lunacy, Random blasts from The Battery, weather

    With our daily high temps already reaching into the high 90’s, no discernible wind, and humidity at 60%+, it feels like it’s 110 or 115 degrees outside. I broke a drenching sweat just walking to the car this morning - and that was before 9 AM.

    The worst part is that it’s only the beginning of June and Summer isn’t even officially on us yet. We don’t normally see the Lowcountrry reach hell-on-earth levels until early to mid-August.

    Hell apparently came early this year. Do they even have a groundhog for predicting this shit? Fuck no! Punxsutawney Phil has probably already been incinerated anyways - I just read that the heat in Pennsylvania is forcing school closures in Philly because they don’t even have AC in many of them.

    Inside the house, our fairly new central AC is running full-tilt but is still struggling to keep the temps below 80. Today, it started raining from the ceiling vents because of condensation caused by the crazy-high humidity. I didn’t even use the hot water heater for the shower this morning. The cold water position on the knob felt like someone had maliciously switched our hot and cold pipes.

    As the day wears on, it’s gotten too friggin’ hot to even think, and the palpable moisture in the air is only making it worse. I’ve been forced to shut down almost all of the computers and electronics in the house to prevent overheating. That’s a first. The desktop in the study was on overheat alarm and was about to shut itself down when the heat peaked at around 1PM.

    So now, I’m sitting here almost naked and the only reason I’m even wearing underwear is to keep my ass-sweat from permanently adhering me to the leather of this chair.

    “I Believe” Tags coming… FSM rejoices.

    June 06, 2008 at 1:04 pm By: Nate Category: Born again bamboozelery, Pot-shots from the Peanut Battery, Religious nutz, SC Gubment, Snarky snipery

    FSM SC Plate, Thanks to Snead

    Our Lord the Sauced One, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, will be coming to your local SC DMV office very soon.

    The Governor refused to sign the Christian “I Believe” license plate bill, but still allowed it to become law by shelving a veto:

    While I do, in fact, ‘believe’ — it is my personal view that the largest proclamation of one’s faith ought to be in how one lives one’s life … If God is working in one’s life, (that) will say what no license plate will ever say.”

    — Gov. Mark Sanford

    We hope FSM will rain Prego and Ragu on Columbia for this blasphemous slight.

    Either way, His Noodliness now patiently awaits recognition on our ride.

    (A shot to Brother Snead for that awesome plate rendering.)

    A worse day than ours…

    May 30, 2008 at 4:35 pm By: Nate and Di Category: On the road, Pot-shots from the Peanut Battery

    Comcast’s drivers apparently suck as much as their internet service:

    Comcast Van in Ditch.

    Dude must’ve been in such a tunnel-visioned hurry to bite into his Big Mac that he drove right into the gigantic ditch in front of the McDonald’s in Mt. P.

    Comcast Van in ditch - Shot by Di on Cell

    Birds of a feather…

    May 29, 2008 at 7:12 am By: Nate and Di Category: Edumacation, Local-ized lunacy, Snarky snipery

    Arthur Ravenel has been denounced by fellow members of the Charleston School Board for showing his ass last week, and guess who was with A. Rav. while he threw said vulgar hissyfit? None other than our least favorite local politician:

    Board Vice Chairwoman Nancy Cook, who also was with Ravenel and Toler at the time of the remarks, was not at the board meeting. Like Toler, Cook said again on Tuesday that she never heard Ravenel use the word “bitch.” She said she didn’t want to talk about what was said at the board meeting because she wasn’t there.

    Looks like an outbreak of foot-in-mouth disease is running rampant over on our school board.

    We suggest a quarantine for them before they infect others.

    A message of confidence in SC educators from Jim Rex

    May 28, 2008 at 2:44 pm By: Nate Category: Bright Ideas, Edumacation, Pot-shots from the Peanut Battery, SC Gubment

    Screen-shot of sc.edu taken 05/24/08 @ 11:05 PM

    Of all the pressing issues facing our state school system, I’m not sure why a statement from the Superintendent about training teachers how not to fuck or otherwise abuse the students should be a main focus on the front page of the SC Dept. of Education website. Is this really one of the biggest problems facing public education in our state?

    Crap like this just fuels the false perception that there’s an epidemic of that type of inexcusable behavior in our schools… I mean, we understand the point of the program and it sounds like a reasonable effort. It’s just that the quote featured right on the homepage doesn’t really send a positive message about our school system to visitors or teachers - be they Sandlappers or otherwise.

    Warning: Speed Bump Ahead

    May 28, 2008 at 1:39 pm By: Nate Category: And now for soemthing completely serious..., Edumacation, PSA

    We hate to nudge the brakes just as the blog gets rolling along again, but our posts will probably be fairly sparse through the next month or so (along with teevee, aimless web surfing and about every other time-kill to which I’m addicted). Our classes began yesterday, and I can already tell it’s going to curtail my ability to keep the blog’s pace at what it’s been for the past few months.

    Anyhow, we have a few posts in the hopper already scheduled to drop, so there will be some activity and new content, and we hope to be back online full-force during the summer break in the first week of July.